Archive for April, 2009

Do blondes really have more fun?

Posted in . on April 28, 2009 by Skuties



This week Mel and I got into this HUGE fight because she insisted that blondes have more fun. We spent a long time arguing, until we decided to do science and prove once and for all who has more fun!

So we did what any friend in distress would do. We went shopping! We spent the whole day online buying goodies from local stores. The test results will be posted on Friday.

Mel: The Statistical Chart has already been created and data will be collected during the week in order to statistically analyze to learn the true results.

Tati: Today we will leave you with the results of our shopping spree (you will have to come back on Friday to see what we actually bought)

WARNING: Some pictures are not safe for work, but they are not that heavy either, I’d go for it. I’d even show them to my boss. I’d even invite my boss’ wife to see them, I’d even invite my boss’ wife’s mom to see them!

Mel: Of course Tati is currently working freelance so just because she would do it doesn’t mean you should.

Tati: Or does it?

Pleasure Periscope

“A “vibrating 4-inch probe with built-in periscope light and viewing window”

Tati: this is technology at its best! Not only you can pleasure yourself, but you can perform a full gynecological exam or if you are feeling naughty enough (or brave), you can give your boyfriend a Colonoscopy. I am pretty sure he will love it!

Mel: This is clearly something imagined by a guy and designed by one as it looks like something from Star Trek – To boldly go where no Trekkie has gone before.

Tati: one more reason to give him a colonoscopy

NOT

Strawberry Ass



“freshly scented strawberry jelly anus with tight noduled sleeve.”

Tati: Oh man, a strawberry jelly anus? That must smell so bad, but surely smells better than any regular scented anus.

Mel: This makes me think of Donuts. Like this was supposed to have been a “Freshly scented strawberry jelly donut anus”

Pretty much, yeah…

Mr. Jack with Mustache

“A rubber jack-off sleeve for men, shaped like a male mouth and chin”

Mel: This is just wrong. However it will be a true test of which has more fun – count how many men you turn on by holding one of those and winking suggestively.

Tati: this must feel like getting a blow job from a deformed Mexican. This looks so creepy like the baby alien that comes from inside the Alien’s mouth on the Alien’s movie. Or a gay Muppet.

The Cone

Tati: Well, it’s pink, looks like a party hat and vibrates. I’d sit on it! Last party hat I sat on didn’t even bother to vibrate. I’m not complaining, but I think it would be nice if it had vibrated. You can also lay on it or sit against gravity on it too.

What are they reading?

Mel: They are probably reading the instruction manual.

Tati: looks easy from my point of view…

Tuyo



Tati: this is a crazy vibrating ball, super GLAM, comes in black and blacker, and also in white and pink. You can roll it all over you, your boyfriend, your neighbours, friends, networking is very important these days with the recession. I think this ball might be a great ice breaker.

Mel: But the true test is whether I can convince the Prince of the Universe to trade me one of these for his Katamari.

Tati: Oh!

Delight

Tati: Don’t worry, I am tilting my head too. This is like an Escher vibrator. Comes in 3 cool colors, I like this one cause it’s the same color as my tooth brush.

Mel: It comes in a nice case too. And if you leave it lying around no one would ever guess especially if you put a cute face sticker over the on off switch. In fact it should.

Does this one come with an instruction manual? Because I’m not sure I have the proper alien anatomy for this one.

Tati: Maybe THAT’s the instructions that the Cone girls were reading!

The skateboard

Tati: Well this one had a horrible scary name and I renamed it to Skateboard, because it looks like one.

You basically put your beef thermometer inside that hole then go stick it in someone, make those bullets vibrate and see what happens. According to the description, the curvy things are dolphin’s tails.

Mel: of COURSE it’s Dolphin related. Only the “best” things are after all. I agree The skateboard is a much better name. This one looks like it’s going to hurt for the wrong reasons.

The Clit Bumper

Tati: This one is easy! You put your Dilly-ho-ho in the hole (just like the skateboard), then turn your clit bumper on, then go bump some clits.

You can also put it on your bike’s handlebar, looks totally appropriate for that.

The Willie Wrapper



This is the same as the Clit Bumper, but you can put your fun gun in the hole and your ping pongs in the other hole and go bump some clits.

Mel: This is getting too complicated. And if the guy is the one supposed to be taking the initiative and gearing up like Batman then why are they all pink?

Tati: Because it has to look pretty! Pretty in Pink HA!

The Accommodator



Tati: o.0

Mel: O.o

Tati: O.O

I am trying not to judge here, but, but…. Yes I’m tilting my head!

Mel: I’m left nearly speechless…and not in a good way. However, it’s a good thing it comes with a picture, I would have assumed it was supposed to go on my head and that was a chin strap, not the other way around.

Tati: I truly don’t know what would be worse.

Club vibe



Tati: Mmmm the OhMiBod guys are our best friends! We already reviewed their “NaughtiBod” and the “Gspot.” on previous posts.

What you do is: you plug your awesome OhMiBod into your ipod/whateverpod you have and you vibrate with the music. But this one, this one is dangerous.

This one you put it inside your panties turn it on and go out. Then it picks up the sounds around you and you are fucked! Literally, by anything that emits a sound. On the website their suggestion is for you to go to a Club. Got it? Club – Vibe?

Mel: … Does this mean this only works if the sounds are eardrum splitting? Only picks up bass? This just sounds like someone didn’t think this through all the way. This does however explain that one woman on the metro the other day though.

IBuzz



This is the same as the OhMiBod, but without the GLAM. This is ugly and well it’s REALLY ugly.

Mel: Not only that but is this for two people? 1 person? Why all the cords (I hate cords) and weird attachments and what is up with the alien rabbit? And let’s be honest at this point you should just go Glam – because this does not look user friendly.



Tati: This one looks like the Chinese version of the IBuzz, maybe it’s to use with the whateverpods? I don’t care, it’s ugly!

Head Candy

Tati: This is hilarious. For those who never gave or received a blowjob (so they don’t know that teeth are not welcome), you have this thing that you bite then go give some unlucky guy/girl a blowjob. It tastes like candy, so here is how I think it will go:

You put this in your mouth and unless you are Steven Tyler or his daughter, this will limit considerably the useable size of your mouth. Then you will start drooling, because it tastes like candy. Add that to a guy/girl who thinks blowjobs with teeth are fun and yes my darling, GOOD FUCKING LUCK with that!

Write us telling how did it go for you: skuties@gmail.com

Mel: Do these dissolve like candy? Like are these mouth guard lollipops? Or just flavored plastic? Either way, this can NOT be a top seller. Must be a gag gift right?

Tati: Nope, DEAD SERIOUS!

Tongue Vibe

Tati: this one looks like you need to have total control of your mouth, tongue and surroundings. Otherwise I predict teeth marks and tragic choking followed by a bloody taco warmer and probably death.

Mel: And with a giant vibrating plastic thing in your mouth you KNOW that you will have perfect control of your mouth, tongue and surroundings for as long as you wear the thing. In fact the longer you use it the better, and that thing that holds it on? You don’t even notice it’s there.

Tati: right?

Creepy dildos

The diving Nun



The bone dead



And of course the baby Jesus anal plug



Tati: These, of course, are only for normal people.

Mel: The fact these even exist…let alone someone is selling them and people are potentially using them. I mean sure Death you can see the symbolism and all there but the Baby Jesus? Really? I mean I want to see the demographics for who buys and uses this thing. No wait. I don’t want to know ANYTHING about ANYONE who uses any baby like that.

Improv dildos

(I love this world, dildo!)

Mel: It always makes me think of Bilbo Baggins -_-

Tati: haha Bilbo dildo!



Tati: Errrrr…..Well it’s better than sticking baby Jesus up your ass.

Mel: yeah suddenly after baby Jesus everything is PERFECTLY NORMAL.

And of course, the best, cutest and GLAM-EST of all:

Paul and Paulina!



Tati: HAHAHA how fucking cute is that? It would only be better if it made funny noises, like cute ones…Oh man!

Mel: Of course at that point you would be testing whether it is possible to orgasm while laughing. Do inch worms make noises?

Tati: hope so!

Mel: We couldn’t leave Elvis out of the fun completely however, the closest thing we could find was this little number. Which is disturbing for a whole new set of reasons – at least it keeps them off your leg.


Japanese Game shows!

Posted in . on April 24, 2009 by Skuties

Clone Wars

Posted in . on April 20, 2009 by Skuties
Aaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

Tati: I am always impressed how fast people are when they are cloning stuff. In music for example, everybody is doing one style of music, all there, minding their own business, the same apathy and boredom, all good. Then one day, some shitty band hits the radio and BAM we are all fucked, all you can hear is thousands of bands doing the same shitty music.

Like, where are they coming from? And how do they put up an album so fast? You know what I mean? I doubt they were all ready to pop just waiting for the first one to do it. As if they were ashamed of it and waiting for the first martyr or something.

Mel: For shame Tati, do you not know of the conspiracy of music?

Tati: I don’t care really, but this bugs me since I was a kid. I never stopped thinking about it. It happens everywhere. One company releases a product and suddenly all companies are releasing the same product in funny variations. HOW? Really, doesn’t it take time to develop a product? It’s crazy!

Mel: Okay, but yeah this topic is not about the music industry conspiracy and how it is all the master plan. This is about making money, the Producers way.

Tati: This also happens in the movie industry, A LOT. But some are smarter than others. Some just make the cover looks like a successful movie, or just the title, but still funny to me. Let’s see some Movie “geniuses”.

Legally Blondes:


Mel: This really is a movie. I kept staring at the image waiting for the photoshopped joke to hit me, and figured I was too far out of the loop and then thought Tati was playing with my mind, so I goggled it and cried.

Tati: Oh boy! This movie is about Elle Wood’s twin cousins coming from London to some fancy school in California. I could stop right here and it would be a disaster already, but of course I won’t. These two girls come directly from Disney Channel’s “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody”.

Note that I am not linking it to anything, it is because this is crappier than I can stand – and you know I can take a whole lot of crap – and I don’t even want to look for a website with this. I’ve already went too deep. But here is the best part.

Mel: I think this is a case of not letting a popular franchise die. Did Michael Eisner consult on this one? Oh he of Disney direct to video sequel fame? Also…did you know that Legally Blonde was made into a Broadway musical?

Tati: Jesus, NO!

When you see something like that, if you are a regular human being, you instantly block yourself from touching it. But then you see on the cover “Presented by Reese Withaspoon” and you think: Well she put her name on it, then it shouldn’t be so bad right? WRONG! I had no idea what “presented by” meant so I went out to educate myself.

Mel: I too had to check it out because I had a hard time finding her name on the credits – it’s in the “Seamore” section, I thought maybe “presented by” meant she invested money in it somewhere. Good thing she was too smart.

Tati: Check this out:

Presenter
AKA: Presents

A presenter is person (often famous or well respected) who introduces a movie or show on screen or via voice-over. Some films include a credit “Presented by”, or “presents”, which indicates the person is an executive producer as opposed to someone who appears in the film.

Translating: They gave her money and she recorded something like “And now, Legally Blondes! Enjoy.” because I seriously doubt that she went to the screening.

Mel: I don’t know I’d go to the opening maybe – free food & free press. Although by the time I was as rich as Reese Witherspoon I would probably be happy to stay home in my jammies and wait for my free copy to arrive in the mail.

Teen Boxer:

This one is tricky. When you see the cover you think Karate Kid 4 (because it’s a girl and all), then you see the title: Teen Boxer and you think “Million Dollar Baby”, then you see “The shocking movie everyone is talking about” and you feel like an idiot, because you never heard anything about it. But everyone else did. So you better run to your favorite movie rental place (aka the internet) and “rent” it.

Mel: Although…did you see the “Next karate Kid” I don’t think I’d want to see another movie in that line. I prefer the originals.

Tati: I know there will be a remake, but I’m fine without it.

If you decide to go deeper into the details, you will see that a girl from Grey’s Anatomy is in the movie, so it REALLY must be good. And if you go to check the plot of the movie you will learn that her “real life brother” is in it too. Which explain why she has no boobs on the cover when she is karate-flying on the background.

Mel: Did you not notice her butt on the cover in WHITE? Clearly the guy was more of a butt man.

Tati: it’s her shorts, blind Mel!

See how they fuck you up? That’s good marketing! The movie is a piece of crap, but there is only so much marketing can do for you.

Mel: I’m taking notes!

Transmorphers:


Mel: Don’t you mean Transformers? Oh wait. No you don’t.

Tati: Well, with a title like that you don’t need to highlight anything else on your cover. You might even get some distracted minds “buying” it thinking it’s the Transformers movie.

If you ask me, I didn’t last 10 minutes on Transformers, that boy is dead ugly, I think that girls is kinda nasty and too skinny and the robots look awesome, but when I saw the ghetto robot I gave up on the movie.

Mel: I didn’t even go see it when it was FREE.

Tati: OH GOOOOOOOOD, FOR YOU!

Mel: No, NO FUCK NO!

Tati: This one is about alien robots invading Earth, but they are evil and forced everybody to live underground (like the Matrix).

According to the summary, “a small group of humans develop a plan to defeat the mechanical invaders in the ultimate battle between man and machine.”

Mel: Sounds like it might be better than I, Robot.

Tati: If you look at the cover, you can see that their plan is to shoot at the robots’ dick. Might work, who knows?

Against the Dark:


Yo, Steven, Blade already DID IT!

He had a sword too, and he fought vampires and he knew martial arts, he had black leather pants too, but he was Wesley Snipes. You are NOT. Not to mention that his sword looks like a crowbar-sword.

Plus this cover reminds me of “A Scanner Darkly”

Mel: A Scanner Darkly is awesome but can only be understood if you read the book first, and I have a feeling to really get it you have to be on some heavy drugs, but just seeing the effects of drugs on Philip K. Dick`s brain is enough for me.

Elvis has 1st hand experience, and agrees.

The Day the Earth Stopped:

“Hundreds of massive intergalactic robots appear in all of the world’s major capitals with an ultimatum: Prove the value of human civilization or be destroyed.”

This one could be a prequel of the “Transmorphers” or the prequel for “The day the Earth stood still”. First it stopped, then it stood still, then the transfomorphers made everybody go underground then they put everybody inside the Matrix! Dude, why am I not rich yet?

Mel: I’m not sure Tati. I ask myself that every day.

Tati: *sigh*

NYC: Tornado Terror:


“A meteorologist and her husband must prevent devastating tornadoes from destroying New York.”

Inspired by true events, mmmm. I don’t watch the news, but I am sure somebody would have commented around me if NY had been through a tornado terror.

Maybe he thought “Cloverfield” was real? Like he thought tornados did it? I love how the top of all buildings are burning. One would have thought that the wind on the terror tornado would suck off the fire. And it’s super clever of them to send helicopters to fight the tornados!

Two thumbs up to whoever made this movie.

Mel: I was too distracted by the water flooding and the statue of liberty losing her arms. Based on true events “The day a meteorologist and her husband had to tell everyone on TV & the radio (which was their job) that tornados MIGHT be coming towards New York”. By the way, how do 2 people destroy tornados? And if the cover is any hint they didn’t do a good job now did they?

Tati: Nope, not them or the director.

Vipers:


Mark my words: I will watch this movie! Even if you ignore that this is a better version of “Anaconda”, because vipers are cooler and Tara is hotter than J-Lo, there is also this amazing plot:

“Set of vipers has been taken by the scientists, and they’ve mutated them to make a cure for cancer, Then their experiment goes awry, and all these vipers escape into the woods, and they’re not only biting people, they’re actually killing people, in a little town”

Mel: The people also drive Viper cars. You know, SUV Vipers.

Tati: That would be a kick ass movie: SUV Vipers curing cancer!

How do you mutate a snake to cure cancer? Do you teach it how to cure cancer? Another observation, last time I checked all snakes bite to eat, so they all kill their preys. Maybe Vipers only bite people…I need more knowledge in my life.

Mel: I find internet forums to be highly educational full of opinions and you know how since it’s on the internet its 100% true always.


Jack Says:


Oh God… Not happy with “Spirit”, they had to do “Jack Says”. But fear not, this one is so low budget that the groundbreaking black & white with color effects don’t go past the cover. I was curious to see how they would do it with no money, so I watched 3 minutes of it. It’s just black & white then it turns into color.

I have no idea what this movie is about, but I’ll bet a lot of people watched it thinking it was Spirit 2.

Mel: …

Universal Remote:


Ok, this one got me confused. I found two VERY different covers pointing to what could be two different movies. I could only find info on the CHARLY Murphy version (note the ginormous boobs behind him).

See, good marketing got even me, the queen of marketing. I went to IMDB searching for Eddy Murphy, then I looked closer at the cover and saw it was CHARLY Murphy. Not that it would have shock me if he was in this movie, the last good movie he did was “Coming to America”.

The other one I don’t know what to say. It looks like Christian Bale swallowing a remote control. I didn’t check, feel free to do it. I’m satisfied with Bale eating a golden remote control

Mel: Wasn’t there the one like Click, and like…this one just confuses me although Christian Bale swallowing a remote control might be funny. I checked to try to understand all this, but I still don’t get it.

Death Racers:


GUYS!!!!! Somebody put Insane Clown Posse in a movie. And look in what movie! HAHAHAHA oh Lord, I’m going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee. I can’t breathe Mel, HELP!

Mel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – well it’s appropriate that you die with this one as it IS DEATH RACE. Although, nothing will ever be as good as Death Race 2000. Ever. Not even the Insane Clown Posse will be able to top it, but they can try.

Tati: No they can’t.They can’t try anything ever, if it’s in public.

For the ones who happily, didn’t know what the heck is Insane Clown Posse, I’ll ruin your life for you: They are two fat white guys, dressed as clowns and they rap. Yep, fat-white-clown rappers!

In a movie!

Look:

Mel: Oh why just LOOK when you can truly SEE?

Tati: HAHAHAHAHA holy shit guys! I was going to get all nerdy about “Death Race 2000” and compare them to the “Death Race 3000” and tell you that this one actually has the same plot as the original, but then I saw “Insane Clown Posse” on the cover and HAHAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT! (I hate you for this video Mel)

Ok, next…

I’ll end this post with some other movie clones that won’t really need explanation so enjoy!

Son of RamboW:

Awww they even put a little Col. Trautman and its British!

The Net 2.0:

Remember The Net?

Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls:

Errrrrr….LOL?

Plan Bee:

The sting is in the tale!

Os Carrinhos:


Mel: I would like to take this moment to share with you all the YOUTUBE channel of this delightful company and their wonderful movies. Robozinhos is a version of Robots + Wall e.The English versions are a treat let me tell you.

Tati: Are there English versions of this?

Ratatoing:


Mel: Don’t forget to visit their official website!

Pierrot Le Poisson Clown:


Shark Bait:


The Little Panda fighter:


Ok, ok, I’ll stop!

By the way, did you see how I made you read our post by calling to your Star Wars genes? See? That’s what you get for being a Star Wars fan. Serves you right!

Mel: oooooohhhhhh Tati good one. Wait, seriously, why aren’t you rich yet?

Tati: meh, go figure…

We will be with you shortly…

Posted in . on April 17, 2009 by Skuties

Hi guys!

I had a love overdose this week, so I’m in no conditions to post anything. I’m still high on all the massive amount of love that was thrown at me so… * droll *



* droll *

Easter results

Posted in . on April 13, 2009 by Skuties

We are all still too drunk and too fat to think. So here you go:

Easter Results:

Elvis, Sinatra and Sugar showing the Peep how they roll…


Cool hand made eggs


Lime pie with peeps


Egg dye
Zombie eggs

Those were Mel’s good intentions. And that’s how it turned out:

Easter bunny getting drunk on crappy beer

This pissed off bunny doll

Mrs. Jones our neighbor

My nasty Easter poodle pie

Oh, and Jesus showed up too, but he was kinda bored

After all the Easter festivities I still had some space for more beer and some far away friends to greet. Here’s what happened when I got home to more beer and online friends…

My Dogs have had an Easter party while I was away and they were naked and drunk when I got home

I drank all my stars

Invited my friend from upstairs

And we partied all night long with Rosana like a Goddess….

END!

Happy Easter!

Posted in . on April 11, 2009 by Skuties

Tati: Mel wrote this post for Friday, but my lazy ass is posting and commenting only tonight. You can approach this in two ways:

#1 thinking I’m lazy.

#2 pretending Mel is posting from the past and I am commenting from the future.

Another note. You will notice our Easter banner looks A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! That is because Agnes was busy with her work and I had to do the banner this time. Don’t tell her I’m better though, we don’t want her feelings hurt!

Mel: Well today is Good Friday which in and of itself is weird but the bizarre etymology of that is not what I wish to look at today – rather the events to take place on Sunday. Yes folks, Sunday is Easter and no matter which way you look at it, there is something to celebrate and a way to celebrate it.

Tati: I like to celebrate it by painting bunnies instead of eggs.

Mel: The holiday of Easter, like that of Christmas and other major Christian holidays, comes from a repurposing of Pagan holidays and celebrations. Easter most likely comes from Eastre a Saxon goddess of the dawn that symbolized Spring and Fertility. Her specific symbol was the rabbit and in many accounts the egg. Her celebration took place in April around the Spring Equinox. Questions as to where Eastre herself originated and what she symbolizes fall under debate however she is generally grouped with Ishtar and other goddess of sex and fertility. Festivals in Eastre’s honor were often at dawn and the Christian tradition of the Sunlight Service may have origins in these roots. Interestingly a lot of the “messages” of Easter – rebirth, life, light, etc coincide with those of Spring celebrations themselves and particularly Eastre’s.

Tati: AHHHHH! Tha’s why bunnies lay eggs during Easter then!

Mel: YEP! So for you – 12 Easter/Eastre traditions, symbols & celebrations:

Rabbits –connected with Eastre as a symbol of Fertility because if there is one thing that bunnies do it’s procreate. Which when the only thing lower on the food chain than you is grass, it makes total sense. I whole heartedly support Bunnies and their fuzzy little tails and wiggly little noses.

Tati: You know Mel, you shouldn’t underestimate rabbits. I mean I once thought turtles were cute and harmless, until I saw a turtle eating a pigeon in one fucking bite! Here, if you wanna see it too.

What about this bunny? It looks like a bunnification of a mad man ready to kill you!



Donnie Darko anyone?


Mel: Well, Should you decide to ignore Tati’s delusions and so choose, you can do Bunny related activities in celebration such as: The Bunny hop and other Rabbity, Twitchy Dances.

Tati: Bella looks highly disturbed, disturbING!

Mel: You can spend your Easter eating carrots and saying “What’s Up Doc?” , Put Objects on a Bunny, Build a Giant Bunny, Watch some Happy bunny, Wear Bunny Ears, poke a bunny

Wear some Bunny Shoes, Make Bunny Crafts, Do some bunny bumming, visit the Bunny Ranch or invent your own Rabbit Game:

Tati: Since we are on bunny mode, you can watch your favorite movies re-enacted by bunnies right here.


Mel: Eggs – symbols of life and spring and Eastre it is traditional in many parts of the world to color & decorate eggs. Afterwards people hide them, find them, roll them, break them, give them, save them, and eat them.


Tati: I love how you put the egg spring roll on the montage, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with Easter eggs…Or has it? Care to explain?

Mel: Nope!

The Sun – because of the proximity to the Spring Equinox – the symbol of the end of winter and the shortening of the night, originally celebrated as the true “New Year”, Dawn celebrations continue in the form of sunrise services, however should you not be attending church in your jammies this year there is nothing stopping you from greeting the dawn in your own private way.

Tati: The Sun : )

Mel: New Clothes – I always wondered as a kid but never complained, about wearing a pretty new dress for Easter. However much like Brazilian new year and new underwear, apparently its good luck to shed the old, and celebrate the changes of the new.


Tati: That’s kinda freaky (the babies I mean…)

Mel: Bonfires – Held from Good Friday till Easter Sunday apparently it’s the time when witches are at their worst and witches are scared of fires. Although if historically burned on them, I think I too would avoid them.


Tati: I believe not only witches, but every living creature should stay away from bonfires.

Don’t worry, your sight should come back in a few minutes

Mel: Witches




In Finland little girls (and sometimes boys) dress up as witches and go door to door reciting good luck poems in exchange for money and candy. I sense the work of Elvis in this – who is eating my EASTER LIME PIE STOP IT RIGHT NOW!



Fat Elvis looks full of Mel’s lime pie

Mel: Water


Used in just about every religion somewhere as blessing, purity and the like (baptism anyone?). Apparently people in Africa and Europe really get in to it, with guys throwing buckets of cold water at the girls. It starts by breaking into your neighbor’s home and pouring buckets of cold water over the sleeping women folk and continues from there into an all day water fight. An elaborate mating ritual that gets everyone completely soaked in possibly freezing temperatures, who could say no? Have a water fight in celebration!

Tati: I would probably eat off the head of the motherfucker who woke me up with a bucket of water (you’ve been warned).

Mel: Spanking


Okay, apparently popular in Eastern Europe in addition to or instead of water – spanking someone with twigs is supposed to be a blessing?

Men make homemade switches (whips) by tying together willow & birch branches and decorating them with ribbons – they then go around hitting women so they stay healthy and beautiful. The woman then gives him a colored egg or money in order for him to stop and as “thanks”.

I suggest if this is how you wish to celebrate Easter you do it with consenting parties in order to avoid prison.

Tati: Leave it to Europe to make fucked up stuff looks normal…

Mel: Chocolate


Chocolate rabbits come from Germany and came to the US by way of the Pennsylvania Dutch (aka Amish) and in many parts of the world that have European influence Easter is marked by Chocolate Eggs & Chocolate Rabbits. In Brazil the eggs are commercialized chocolate eggs – like a Snickers or Crunch Egg, or with themes like Spiderman, Wall-E & Hannah Montana.

Tati: Or Star wars shit

Mel: Butter Lambs

Apparently in some parts of Europe “Butter Lambs” are made and served at Easter. Take this time to make your own butter sculptures!


Tati: D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G

Mel: Hot Cross Buns – Like so many other things these are an old tradition that then have been repurposed but basically these are buns with candied fruit or chocolate with a cross shape on the top made with frosting, slicing the bread or well however you want really. There are other traditional breads & cakes but these seem to be the most popular. If you make them today they supposedly have MAGIC POWERS OF HEALING. So make some today – here’s a recipe for you: recipe

last but not least…

Mel: PEEPS!


Everything can be made “Easter” with the addition of a Marshmallow Peep. This marshmallow goodness hailing from Bethlehem, PA is Easter at its best. Peeps = Instant Easter Dioramas, Microwaves & the Apocalypse.


Tati: Peep show hihihi


There was supposed to be a video of Elvis peeping the peeps here but Mel got lazier than me, so please enjoy a cool video of nothing:

Wilhelm Scream

Posted in . on April 6, 2009 by Skuties

Tati: Well hello there! Before starting our post, I would like to share with all of you why Mel is going to hell. And also point that I will meet her there for some other good reasons.

Mel: I will be serving cocktails at 6. Please remember to bring extra cherries and olives.

Mel’s co-worker: would you care to explain this egg laying next to my feet?
Mel: what?
Mel’s co-worker: chocolate egg laying next to my feet Hannah Montana egg…
Mel: did you lay it?
Mel’s Co-worker: I know it was you stop laughing! You have glass walls…
Mel: I am laughing now hahaha because you told me to stop. Not to mention Tati is making me laugh 😛
Mel’s Co-worker: anyway brace for it! I will find something to get back at you!
Mel: Surprise butt sex is not appropriate in the work place.
Mel’s Co-worker: I shall have my revenge *shakes fist in anger*

Mel: I am innocent until proven guilty and apparently according to my co-worker even if proven innocent I’m STILL guilty because it is impossible for me not to have been involved. I wonder how he liked the OTHER egg that I left on his chair…

Tati: Ahhh the joys of the work place environment!

(Yes I’ve edited it a “little” but I didn’t touch the text, I mean just the order of it, but it looks a lot better this way)

Mel: Actually you didn’t edit it much-just took out the long accusatory logic of whether it was me or not, and did I mention that this HM egg comes with a microphone inside that plays one of her songs?

Tati: And how would you know that? OH!

Mel: I think I need one for myself just so I can …better not divulge all my plans here. My co-worker reads this. Then again I’m already going to hell – just think how much fun it would be to have Instant Miley Ray Cyrus – on second thought that physically hurts to watch.

Tati: I like this girl. She seems legit. Her friend looks retarded though. Her dad aged well (that’s all I’m saying)

ANYWAY. So you guys like our lists right? TOO BAD! Today we will educate you instead. SIT DOWN!

Today’s lesson: Wilhelm scream

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuu

The Wilhelm scream is a result of pure laziness + the funniest scream ever produced by a human being. So, basically what happened was: In 1951, somebody recorded this funny scream to be used at a movie called “Distant Drums”. The scene, mind you, was a guy being eaten by an Alligator!

Mel: What I want to know is what the guy who recorded it was thinking when he did it. I mean what was the scene? I know…he sat through the Dragon Ball movie like I did and this was the scream he made as his brains melted out. That movie was so bad my forehead still hurts from face palming so much.

Tati: Well what I know is that nobody knows for sure who is the guy who recorded it, because at the time, they had a bunch of people coming in to record sound effects for movies.

According to some documents, the most likely to have recorded the Wilhelm Scream is this guy here. And I think he was thinking about his own music when he screamed, because it sounds worst than Dragon Ball the movie (BTW how the hell did this movie go to the theaters instead of straight to DVD?)

Ok, on with our lesson: Then, some lazy ass from Warner Bros. found it on their archives and used it at another movie from 1953, called “Charge at Feather River”. After that, obviously, Warner Bros. wanted to use the scream, which was named after the character at “Charge at Feather River” and became the Wilhelm scream.

Mel: Charge at Feather River? Well learn something new every day – there actually IS a Feather River. Dun Dun Duuuuuuun

YAY!

Tati: In the meantime, somewhere in Jamesville, NY, young Ben Burtt, a sound effects enthusiast, noticed that the scream was popping up everywhere in a bunch of movies. So what to do in this situation? Well he and his friends made a movie called “The Scarlet Blade” in 1974 and guess what? YES they used the Wilhelm scream!

Mel:

Tati: I would like to spend some time on Mr. Burtt. I was ready to hate him (just because), but then I learned that he was an uncredited sound designer at “Death Race 2000” one of my favourite movies. This movie is so great I am willing to waste your time talking about it before I continue with the amazing Wilhelm scream story.

Mel: Death Race 2000 is such a bad movie it is frigging fantasticWatch out for the Crepe Suzettes!

Tati: Please take a look at how awesome this movie is (NOTHING BAD ABOUT IT MEL):

OH GOD! Did you see that? Now look closer, look who’s in it!

Mel: The one the only…

Tati: YESSSS my beloved Cobra! That was his first movie EVAH! (No it wasn’t it was actually his 8th).

So the movie basically is a bunch of funny cars (and people) racing across the Unites States in the year 2000. The winner will be the one who kills more people on its way to the arrival! If you ask me, that’s the perfect movie!

You know what really sucks? The remake they did! I didn’t even care to watch. But look at the summary of this piece of crap: “In 2012, amid economic chaos and high unemployment, Americans by the millions watch criminals with life sentences race armored cars on Terminal Island.”

Fuck you Hollywood! Fuck you and your fake “They-can-only-kill-each-other-if-they-were-already-set-to-die” attitude!

Mel: If it’s on TV I’ll watch it – but I have a feeling it will be a horrible horrible movie versus a good horrible like the original. There’s a fine but distinct line.

If you liked the movie you will probably like the game: Upshift Strike Racer, where players use machine guns & mines in order to take each other out while racing. Pity the controls are so bad.

Tati: Look who’s Machine Gun Joe:


What a fucking JOKE!

Ok, let’s get back to the story:

Mel: I think you need an Emergency Yodel

Tati: OH MY GOD Mel! Stop it! Are you high on sound effects? Damn woman!

SO, Ben Burtt was invited to be the sound designer on Star Wars in 1977. Guess what he did? Yep! Not only the first (fourth?) Star Wars movie had the Wilhelm scream in it; ALL Star Wars movies have it! You know what other movies have the Wilhelm scream? ALL Indiana Jones!!!! He put it in EVERY SINGLE movie he ever did (Kinda).

He is doing Star Trek guys! I’ll bet all of you will be waiting for the “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuu” in the movie!

Mel: you can confess Mr. Burtt, Chewbacca is just a variation of this isn’t he?

Tati: R2D2 scream is another variation candidate

Another fun fact about the Wilhelm scream is that the sound designers try to blur the scream into the movies. At the “Masters Of Horrors” movie called “Homecoming” by Joe Dante, the zombies die screaming the Wilhelm way. He also used it on some of his other movies. Another famous one is “Poltergeist”. The Wilhelm Scream appears when Carol Anne is watching a movie and a guy in the movie screams. It’s everywhere!!!!

You can also find the Wilhelm scream in TV shows. X-Files used it ALOT, Family Guy, thousands of cartoons, animations, you name it!

Here are two cool compilations I found on You Tube:



Mel: This reminds me of the Amen Break Drum Loop:

Tati: which was going to be a WHOLE different post in the future. Thank you Mel!

There are a lot of other movies that also used the Wilhelm scream. It became some sort of in joke for the sound designers. They use it everywhere and sometimes they also use variations of it. The funny thing is I read somewhere that Ben Burtt got all pissed off after people found out about the Wilhelm scream. Like the lame kid who says “I used to like that band when they were underground”. Grow up man!

Mel: It’s because when it went mainstream everyone was doing it and therefore no longer cool. But I agree:

It’s pointless to resist!

Tati:


SSSSSSSSSSsssssssss

Talking about bands, there is a band called A Wilhelm Scream. They are funny and make me smile, but it’s not the type of music I love the most. It is better than Star Wars though!

Mel: I don’t understand the jumping. Are they practicing for skipping rope contests?

Tati: it’s the same as headbanging for the metal dudes

More of them here.

For the ones who want to see a list of movies with the Wilhelm scream here you have a very good list: CLICK HERE silly!

I will call you later, I’m just going to take a nap…

Mel:

oh nevermind…pass me my pillow I plan to have screaming dreams.

Tati: