Archive for January, 2009

The second-streamers!

Posted in . on January 27, 2009 by Skuties


Tati: Hi guys!

Sorry we were late this time. I was going to talk about how people are getting dumber and scarier, but it depressed me so much I didn’t even feel like writing.

Mel: It IS depressing, and we all know it’s true anyway.

Tati: Yep! Then Mel talked me out of it and now I will talk about something that has to do with human stupidity too, but in a way I get to call you stupid and you will thank me later!

Mel: I have already thanked her.

Tati: Nah, I am just kidding. You are not stupid, you love me! Everybody else who doesn’t is though…

Mel: This is true, anyone who does not love Tati is worse than Stupid.

Tati: I tried guys…

So, today we will try to understand why some really good artists, even though very famous, have not reached the Super-Mainstream-Fame. Well some of the guys on my list almost did it, but I know exactly why they failed and we will get there.



No it doesn’t!

Let me tell you why I like when my artists get super-mainstream-famous. It’s simple: because when they do, my life gets easier.

Mel: Wait…an argument FOR mainstream? Love you!

Tati: Mainstream is the only way to go…

Let’s see: if they are awesome but not mainstream, that means I won’t find them on the iTunes store, let alone on P2P (but of course I don’t even know what that means).

Mel: Of course not, you just keep the rum and your pet parrot in the closet.

Tati: (yep, what’s bad about that?)

They also won’t tour as much as I wanted and if they do they won’t tour anywhere near me.

Mel: How many shows have you been to Tati, have you ever counted?

Tati: yes of course I have! Over 100 (that’s where I stopped counting). Keep in mind I don’t support indy acts (LOL). GO MAINSTREAM!

Another down side is that they ARE famous, but not mainstream. That makes them kinda rare on stores and IF you can find their DVD and stuff, it will be REALLY expensive.

Mel: We don´t like expensive. I’m all for paying money to the artists (and ok, ok semantics – their labels) but would prefer if it doesn’t cost me dinner for the next week.

Tati: and also, every time you want to talk about them, well you can’t because most people won’t know them and the conversation will suck.

Mel:…sorry. I’ve already declared Tati the Music teacher for my future children. May they grow up with taste and rock in their souls.

Tati: Hard-decadent-rock it is! Get your freak on little ones!

Ok! Let’s get educated on what’s good and call MTV or some other super-mainstream-famous channel/radio/whatever and make my life easier.

First one Up is a girl (yay).

Her name is Shannon Curfman. I didn’t even start and I am already pissed off. I was just at her website so I could post the link here and I found out that she released a new album last year. See, I had no idea. If she was mainstream we would all know! Now I am at the iTunes Store getting her album, but man, look how sad she is on the cover.

C’mon Shannon, how do you expect to be a mainstream goddess with this enthusiasm? If you wanna get there, give me a call, I’ll make it happen ok girl? Ok, good!

Mel: Actually the problem wasn’t her but the photographer and person who did the layout for the album. I don´t consider her work to be emo angst but that´s what they are trying to sell. Cover is too cliché, but shirt & jacket are awesome.

Tati: I know, I know, Shannon Who? My point exactly. Despite her “I-don’t-care-what you think” album cover, she rocks, she can play guitar like a boy! (not my fault boys are better musicians, so don’t email me about the girl power thing, fair is fair).

Mel: Will not complain because those fast licking male fingers can be put to EXCELLENT use, and besides Girls still rule.

Tati: Next one is another good example of the problems of not being mainstream. They die and you have no idea they did. I was shocked when I found out (just now) that Jeff Healey had died of cancer last year. I can say that the world lost one amazing artist. That sucks big time 😦

Mel: I suppose this all proves why people are so “anti-mainstream” in the first place – because some wonderful paperboats are out their floating in smaller rivers.

Tati: Maybe you know who he is because he was mainstream for a while when he appeared on this awesome movie with Patrick Swayze.



Because “Pain Don’t Hurt!”

Nah, not really, but the movie is a must see. It would only be better if it was a Stallone movie instead, and you know it.

Mel: Dear god. Just that image is making my brain explode.

Tati: Let’s keep going! Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd.

I looooooove him! And a bunch of other people do too. He is a top selling artist BUT where’s my mainstream easy life? Where is the huge world tour? Well, his case is not as bad as the former, I will admit, but I wouldn’t mind seeing more of him. His latest cool thing (because all he does is cool) is the documentary “10 Days Out… Blues From The Backroad”. On this CD/DVD he goes down to the south of USA to meet up and play with the greatest blues guys that are still around, including B.B. King, Henry Gray, Bryan Lee and many others.

Mel: ooohhh that sounds really cool. Must add to must see tv.

Tati: Now I think you might know the next one. Jonny Lang. No? Really? But he was on MTV and all, for a while even look:

I have a theory why he is not mainstream today. He was on his way to making my life easier when MMMBOP! Fucking Hanson!!! WHO? Yeah, remember Hanson? Of course you do!

Jonny must remember them too. I think that everybody that almost had it around ‘97 remember those cute little girls!

Mel: damn you now I’ve got a song I can’t sing the lyrics of stuck in my head. I will have my revenge. Mentioning Hanson, while valid and important to explain the hazards of mainstream and further reason why the stream is poisoned and avoided by fly fisherman looking for quality catches, has however cancelled the goodness of previous songs. Must return to my happy place.

Tati: The one that grew up to be a hot boy unfortunately got married and had about 10 kids, so I’ll consider myself lucky for not becoming TH instead of TB.

Mel: Well at least they cut their hair.

Tati: when you have 10 kids it doesn’t really matter.

Mr. Big! Not that one dammit! This one!

I know why they are only famous in Japan and Brazil (of course). Because they forgot that being amazing musicians take you nowhere if you don’t feed it the right way to the masses! What did they do wrong? THIS!

Mel: OMG

Tati: This abomination of a song! The song is so awful, they’ve removed the original video from You Tube. That song alone sank Mr. Big. Every teenager in the world thought that that’s how they sounded like and thought they were the next Extreme or something.



(puke)

When they finally got to listen to the album, their tiny little brains couldn’t understand the awesomeness of it all.

Not happy with that, what’s the logical thing to do for a band on the verge of Mainstream heaven? Release a lame cover that suck about as much as “To be with you”, with probably the worst video ever released.

Mel: Double OMG

Tati: Results?

Your two mainstream hits ruined your mainstream career. HA! But they had a very good run, they rocked hard and I love them, and a lot of other people love them too. The only down side is that their stuff is expensive and hard to find. But I will pay for it guys, don’t worry. I got you covered!

Out with the Blues cuties, on with the ugly metal dudes.

Mel: only too true – I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on a singer’s attractiveness and their correlation to the type of music they sing while factoring in money to hire personal stylists.

Tati: If you are hot it ALWAYS help. Metal dudes willing to admit it or not – Axl, Sebastian, Cornell, Phil …*hint*… (but that’s a whole other post).

John Corabi. UGH! This one got really close. Man this guy is a trooper! I think that he pretty much played with everyone in LA. He is a very good Guitardude and I love his voice. But maybe he is too ugly to go mainstream.



(sorry John, you know I love you anyway right?)

Mel: He needs an extreme makeover.

Tati: Oh well! His mainstream life was very short, but it wasn’t his fault. He was on Mötley Crüe for a while, a very short while… Vince Neil freaked out and left the band, so they got themselves a new Vince. But people are so dumb that they didn’t understand what happened.

Everybody knows I’m a Mötley fan, and I love the original members and everything, but Mötley with Corabi was a sick, loud, angry, badass band.

But the guys on the band weren’t so bright either. The guys released their album with another singer with the title “Mötley Crüe”. Hahaha you GUYS! That pissed off a lot, and I mean a LOT of fans. But the album was so ahead of its time that nobody understood it anyway. So even being a badass album, it got stuck on the “no Vince, no Mötley” thing. Vince was trying his solo stuff and very quickly, he also realised that “no Mötley, no Vince”. Needless to say that Corabi got the boot and thanks to the wonders of Marketing Mötley is still around selling a lot and touring a lot and I get super easy access to it all! But I recommend Corabi. Everything he touches is good (not Ratt though, but nothing can make Ratt sounds good), so go for it (HA good luck finding stuff to download/buy).

Mel: If you need help finding it. My suggestion is consult the music goddess Tati like I do and the rest of us lame brains.

Tati: Yeah, of course I have it!

Last but not least: Jeff Scott Soto!

Puts a smile on my face just to think of him! This guy is possibly the guy that recorded with the biggest amount of bands ever. By my count he has over 20 bands (bands/projects) but who cares? Where’s the mainstream stuff? Oddly enough he is ALWAYS in Brazil, like Jimmy Cliff! But then, Brazil is the place to be if you are almost mainstream or in the end of your career (like the guys from Mr. Big).

Mel: Funny, maybe it’s the beaches, girls & easy lifestyle. Plus bands on tour always seem to need extra players for their hung over non-members. I guess it’s a metaphor for Brazil when you think about it. Something about almost mainstream, almost something but full of something else.

Tati: yeah, full of people who can take pretty much anything if there is beer around. Not that we care Wohooo!

But yeah. All you have to know about him is that he is a cool guy who sings a lot and pretty much covered every song in the world and made them all better than the original.

I will tell you something, If you get the chance, go see him live, it was the most fun I’ve ever had in a concert (nothing to do with the fact that THIS happened hahaha).

Jeff’s a cool dude, he has all his stuff online and easy to buy. So I would go for it! Even the embarrassing stuff from the 80’s. He is so cool you don’t get embarrassed. (like Roxette!)

Well kids, I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did, and in the end, that’s all that matters!

Aunty T Says:

Mel: Just remember that bathing suits are optional ONLY for select swimmers in the mainstream.

Tati: You are welcome!

Tati Cam Post – The random files

Posted in . on January 23, 2009 by Skuties

Mel: So This is the first official Tati Cam post.
Tati sent me a camera (a very cute one mind you – that could only be improved upon with glitter) and orders to take pictures and send them to her.

Tati: That camera is super cute and since it has stars on it, glitter is not actually needed, because stars shine a lot more than glitter, but on the other hand, glitter is NEVER enough, I must confess! OK you are right!

Mel: Attempt number one at Tati Cam pics all taken today. It is not very epic, or interesting, but I guess some days you have to make your own and not wait for it to run across the road in front of you. Of course to take pictures NOT taken today would be cheating. Like this one:

I could totally get away with it saying I took this picture at home!

Tati: Or this one of Bon Jovi holding my hammer on the plane when we went to Mars.

Mel: So…here is a quick (semi-illegal) shot of my desk at work. Bonus points for those that spot: A zombie, a monkey, and 4 rabbits.

Tati: Damn, I’m missing 3 bunnies! I like the little demon on the right though…

Mel: Meanwhile, at home Elvis is already complaining about his lack of screen time and has resolved to keep reading over my shoulder, err…sitting in front of me, in order to make his demands known.

Tati: he looks focused, but I know he is just tripping on the blog.

Mel: Sugar is as effeminate as always. I suppose the fact he likes pink things really does not help his masculinity. That and the fact he is PRETTY and fluffy and white and therefore MUST be a girl. I of course have a theory that he isn`t even a cat, but that will require some research and photo evidence. I must remember to re-do the pom pom bit and send it.

Tati: Well, he is yours, so you can call him whatever you want. I’m all for a gay def cat (Did she mention Sugar is def? Did she also mention that because he is def, he gets the BEST scares ever when he finds out you are like, behind him? SUPER JUMPS!

Mel: Sinatra has been sleeping in the suspended bed, even if he can`t fit in it and it was intended to be for miniature dogs to use as a car seat.

Tati: Maybe because his owner, who doesn’t own a dog or a car seat intended for a dog, bought it and put it suspended on the stairs. But never mind me, it’s just a thought.

Mel: This might have to do with the fact Elvis keeps taking the best spots (the new cat sofa for example). Sinatra is like Linus and prefers to carry around a pink sweater to suck and cuddle. Elvis does not refrain as often with his comments about Sinatra and regularly swats him on the nose. He`s probably just jealous that he doesn`t have Sinatra’s baby blues.

Okay, totally random I know, but someone tossed out their red sofa on the street corner near my house. Of course judging from the condition of the “jungle” you can tell they don’t give a damn about any impressions, upkeep, or neighborhood anything or other. I took a picture because I am convinced the sofa is trying to run away. So here is photo number one. I`m keeping my eye on it, earlier today it was on the street instead of on the sidewalk. I think it’s trying to break free of its spiritual restraints and overcome the fact it is trash.

Tati: The fact that you are “tracking” the sofa is enough proof that I couldn’t live without you in my life. Who other than you (or me) would track a sofa? I mean, God forbid this thing to start running and suddenly hit Gabe’s car or sneak up on you when you are getting home after work? 100% love you for keeping the streets safe!

Mel: Now if this sofa was on Av. Indianapolis, we all KNOW what it would be covered in.

Tati: I wonder if this guy would be chilling on the sofa if it WAS on Indianapolis. PLEASE take a pic if this ever happen!

Mel: No room is complete without a picture of Tati, perfected with hom hom hoom`s supplied by Vivi. I consult it regularly for advices about the weather, stocks, and cable TV shows. For a special price you too can have a reproduction print of this one of a kind piece of interactive art.

Tati: Yes you can! You do something nice for your friends (I don’t even remember what I was blowing) and they totally paint your face and sell it on the internet! (I love you too Vivis!)

Since I love myself and I think I’m awesome, I’ve made a compilation of MEs for you to cherish and love forever. On this amazing compilation you will find:

Britney Bitch killing her dog Tati, Batman Tati, Paul Stanley Tati, Misfits Tati, Black Tati, Naked in a bar Tati, Getting out of her Yatch party Tati, Drunk Tati (duh), Fat Tati
Freak Tati and many more. ALL for sale!

Now here – and I apologize in advance for not asking your permission – a kick ass picture of my boy who untied his belly button! I hope you can tie it back again soon because you rock!

Les Hollywood Remakes…

Posted in . on January 20, 2009 by Skuties



Tati: STOP THE MADNESS!

Mel: Ok, let me find the off switch, crank and the hidden lever (not to be confused with the dummy lever or panic button)

Tati: I am back and I am pissed! (not really)

Mel: Yay! I’m back too and not pissed yet (give me a bit I’ll get there)

Tati: So I am watching TV and I see that they have made a movie about Street Fighter – the game – “The Legend of Chun Li”. With stupid Louis Lame from Smallville. That got me thinking about a bunch of things.

Mel: Was there anything that WASN’T lame about Smallville? I TRIED to like the show, never even made it far enough into the first season to manage possibly. No really, was there anything NOT lame?

Tati: I hate Superman. So the answer is NO!

So, my first thoughts were: Haven’t we learnt anything from this?

Mel: Yes, crappy video game movie means you will make money when people go to see it despite its crapppiness.

Tati: Of course there are the cool ones like Tomb Raider, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, and probably some other movie I forgot to mention. But those movies were cool for one reason; they had nothing to do with the video game itself. The characters and some background were there, but the stories were completely detached from the video game. Plus, they had good actors in them.

Mel: Uhm…I don’t think those were very good – Final Fantasy was nice to look at for the time but even Tomb Raider can go on the list and…wait…there was a WING COMMANDER movie?!

Tati: Yes, with Freddy Prinze Jr. And the guy from Hackers! For those with a strong heart, here is the trailer.

THEN it got me thinking about the superheroes comic books adaptations. Those follow the same line as the good video game movies. They are adaptations and not stupid remakes. I am a Marvel fan. As in opposed to DC comics, and if you ask me, all Superhero movies were lame compared to the new Marvel Studio movies (I’ll take off the “old” Punisher, all the Blades, all the X-men, Hellboy and the new Batmans from the lame list). The new Hulk and Iron Man already made all the other Superhero movies non-existent to me. Because that’s what I am, a happy puppy when it comes to colors, explosions and hot guys!

Mel: I uh was never a Marvel or DC fan, and realize that people choose sides like football teams, but I guess I was too busy reading fairytales and fantasy novels to pick a side. Come to think of it, I still prefer book versions of things over their graphic counterparts not that I don’t read some of them now (just don’t pick them up on my own) Awesome Smiley ftw btw.

Tati: You prefer the books because the movies suck, and you last sentence made no sense!

But THEN, it got me thinking about “The Beginning” – or prequel if you like – series. OH MY GOD! Who cares about the fucking beginning of a 100 year old movie franchise? Need examples? HERE!

Exrocist: The Beginning (lame)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (LAME and it’s not the beginning.)

Cube Zero (better than the others actually)

Halloween (FUCKING MASTERPIECE because Rob Zombie rocks!)

Hannibal rising (LAME)

Carlito’s Way: Rise to Power – the beginning of Scarface (direct to video and no Al Pacino OF COURSE)

The X-men Origins: Wolverine (Who cares? It’s Hugh Jackman pissed off with no shirt. I am watching it!)

The X-men Origins: Magneto (David S. Goyer puts his hand on it, I watch it)

Mel: I’m with you on that one. Although who doesn’t adore Wolverine? Anyone?

Tati: I prefer Gambit, but I’m not complaining. *drool*




Ok they are not all that bad, but it’s pretty stupid going back to the beginning. What’s the problem? Are you to cool to make a sequel? Bah give me a break.

Mel: I think it’s because after the beginning movies have a tendency to get all complicated with five bajillion enemies and plot twists and Mexican soap operas and it gets to be such a frigging mess it’s easier to reset the server, reformat the PC and start over.

Tati: LAZY IDIOTS!

And finally, it got me thinking about remakes. I know the 80’s were amazing and I understand that the Earth should have stopped evolving from that point, but life goes on, you know? If I wanted to watch the same movies over and over again being made by inferior directors, well if I wanted I’d go watch them dammit.

Mel: I’m glad the Earth kept going quite frankly, teased bangs and neon are hazardous to your health.

Tati: No way!

The thing is, all those movies were relevant to the year they were made, back then the world was a lot more innocent and colorful, not to mention less hypocrite. Stuff like silly comedies and crappy horror movies REALLY made us laugh or scared the shit out of us. Keep in mind we were also younger and that was all we had. But now we have special fx, digital cameras, super post production stuff, we need amazing blasts and super stories.

Mel: Its why there can never be another Ghostbusters. Really – a comedy/suspense movie just doesn’t work anymore unless it’s like Scary Movie which is not a serious movie but a parody and hardly counts. Seriously, think about it. Poor Marshmallow man.

Tati: I don’t wanna think about it. I will just keep watching the original.

There is one reason why we all still love the old movies, because people were using their brains and telling new and exciting stories. They were real artists, now all we have is a bunch of lazy people who don’t care about fun, only money.

But that’s our reality now. We are getting dumber and we demand dumb movies, thinking is something that stayed in the past.

Mel: I have a theory that proves the Earth is getting dumber – remind me to tell you sometime.

Tati: I just wish the remake-mania would stop because I don’t want to hear from an 18 year old that “Back to the future” with the guy from Twilight was awesome.

Mel: Omg I have to go barf now. I was JUST watching Back to the Future on TV yesterday, omg omg…seriously I feel sick to my stomach at the mere idea!

Tati: SEE! I say screw the new generation. Let’s all get endless botox shots and kick ass forever! (The young people that read the blog are totally excluded from the new generation people that should die, TOTALLY!)

Here is a list of remakes I know of, that will be hitting your face in 2009/2010.

– Escape from NY – with “Leonidas” playing Snake Plissken (makes me wanna cry)

– Karate Kid – Jackie Chan (Do I need to say anyhting?)

– Friday the 13th (I don’t get it, just do another one instead)

– The Birds (I don’t care, I hate birds anyway)

– My Bloody Valentine 3D (3FUCKINGD)

– Child’s Play (I guess they’ve ran out of sequels)

– Pet Sematary (o0)

– Metropolis (REALLY ? I’m curious to see the dialogs on this one)

– The Evil Dead (with Jim Carey?)

– Leprechaun (I can see already that Irish fucker running after Lindsay Lohan or someone at the same level)

– Nightmare On Elm Street (Leave Freddy alone!)

– Knight Rider (couldn’t care less)

– Conan (Who will be Conan?)

Mel: Maybe its the Conan O’Brian version?

Tati: OOOOOO HAHAHAHAHA!

– Akira (with Leonardo Dicaprio, God help us all)

– Hellraiser (Sounds like fun actually)

– Piranha 3D (yes folks, looks like 3D is back!)

– Footloose (Ok get this one, with the guy from High school Musical HOLY FUCKING SHIT!)

– The thing (I ran out of indignation)

STUPID HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE HEAR ME OUT: WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN THESE MOVIES, WE ALSO OWN THE DVDs, LEAVE YOUR NOSTALGIA AT HOME! Bunch of lazy-ass-morons. Go write something original!

Mel: yeah and stupid punk ass kids just watch the old movies and stop complaining about the graphics and crappy special effects. Go text yourself.

Tati: I’m gonna go watch Cobra now

because you are the disease, and he is the cure!

Mel: and let’s face it You ARE a piece of shit and he IS going to kill you.

Tati: Hahaha my job here is done!

: P

Posted in . on January 18, 2009 by Skuties

Hey Kids, look who is back!!!!

Posted in . on January 15, 2009 by Skuties

Hell yeah we are back! Mars was awesome; we are all tanned and sexy, happy and useless than ever.


2009: New Year, new resolutions, new idiots in our lives, new whatever. How many of you have started a new diet? How long will it last? You’ve probably fell off the wagon already, haven’t you?

This year I made a promise to myself: NO PLANS! I’ll just go with the flow and see where it takes me. You should all do the same, because I am always right.

For those who are about to explode because we are back, don’t explode just yet. We will get back on our regular posting routine on Tuesday, with tons of fun stuff and some new approaches to make your experience even more random.

here are some pictures from our annual trip to Mars:





Hope you are all feeling bad for not having our posts, I promise next week you will get your fix!

In the meantime, go stare at a wall or something.

See you guys soooooooooon!